It was a scenario that had happened plenty of times before.
I felt hurt, my husband felt disrespected and we were fighting.
Correction. I was fighting, yelling to be precise while my husband was attempting to have a calm conversation with me.
I was too proud to soften my voice or stop the flow of things that were on my mind. I wasn't feeling heard, so I got louder and louder. My words got sharper and sharper.
Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
I said some terrible, untrue things. All while my husband sat there calmly taking it. How ashamed I felt after, how ashamed I feel now just thinking of it.
I was a fool.
Growing up, I never truly learned how to discuss my issues or calmly talk about my feelings especially when I didn't feel like anyone was hearing me. My feelings controlled my words and my actions, which is never good or reliable. This is something that God is helping and teaching me now, through my marriage.
Have you ever felt like God focuses on one thing at a time to teach you?
Where you get verses, readings, blog posts, music, and sermons all on the exact thing you need to work on, all within the time that you realize that you need to work on it?
Thats God's incredible power showing through. He orchestrates our lives, and works in us on one thing before moving on to the next refining thing. How amazing is that?!
And that is exactly what I have seen him do in my life for the past year. As well as right now in the Esther Study.
This week we have been focusing on Chapter 3 of Esther where Mordecai refuses to bow down to Haman, and how Hamans pride causes him to seek revenge on not just Mordecai but the entire Jewish people. Haman goes to King Xerxes and uses his words by twisting them, lying and offering just what Xerxes needed to hear to allow this plan of destruction to be set in motion.
Your tongue plots destruction, like a sharp razor, you worker of deceit.
Like Haman, the lack of self control with my tongue caused more harm than good in my marriage, and struck my husband like a knife. I hurt him when I should have protected him, and controlling my tongue is now something I am learning through God's amazing grace and my husbands wonderful ability to forgive and love me through it all.
When words are many, transgression is not lacking,but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.
A friend in my Bible Study this week posted this blog post, Jesus Cares About Your Words by J.A Medders, in our group. It goes through all of the verses in the Bible of controlling our speech, it is a real wake up call to take control of your words because God commands us to and because your tongue can be a snare to your soul.
A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul. The words of a whisper are like delicious morsels; the go down to the inner parts of the body."
Proverbs 18: 6-8
Chapter 1 - God is Working Even When You Can't See It
Chapter 2 - The Lesson In Waiting
Photo Credit: Ralaenin at FreeImages.com, Image #579286