Letting Go of Control Series: Relationships

Last week we discussed Letting Go of Control in our Parenting.

This week lets expand to relationships as a whole.

Relationships are apart of every aspect of our lives and have been since the very beginning. Our family, friends, spouse, kids, bosses, coworkers and acquaintances all have their own type of relationship. However, they all have one thing in common. We are all sinful, imperfect and different people. Because of this there will always be conflict at some point or another.

In the 6th grade my group of friends and I had planned to go to an Avril Lavigne concert. We had everything set: the tickets were bought, the chaperones decided and were looking forward to the day of the concert for weeks.

Then the week of the concert we got into a huge fight, to this day I cannot remember what it was over, but it was enough that I wasn't going with them to the concert anymore. We weren't friends after that. I was devastated that they didn't want to be friends with me.

Fast forward to today and I still deal with conflict in relationships. Its inevitable. Now though my relationship conflicts hold a deeper meaning to me because we are old enough now to see and understand when we hurt someone or cause a conflict. What hurts the most is when the other parties still hurt you or cause strife even when they know what they are doing.

Do you have someone in your life that hurts you with your words or actions, even after explaining to them how it makes you feel?

Or who only wants to spend time with you when it is convenient for them?

Are you struggling with a mean coworker or boss? Do you have trouble connecting with your kids?

Most importantly, are we placing unsaid expectations on them that are causing us to be hurt by their actions?

The one thing that will hurt a relationship the most is expectations. Especially unsaid expectations because no one will be able to live up to them if you don't tell them in the first place.

Its like saying you need to hit a bullseye with this arrow, but not telling you where the target is. If you have expectations for this person, first thing you need to do is sit down and discuss them.

If, after examining yourself, it really is what they are doing and how they are than there is only one thing we can do:

Give it to God.

Humble ourselves, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all of your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-7

We cannot control others actions or words, but we can control our reaction to them. They are in control of them, we are in control of ourselves and God has control over all. Instead of hoping to change them yourself, give your hurt, worries, wishes and control over to God.

He is the only one who can change their hearts. God will work in them as he is working in us, because that is his job. And how he works on them is none of our business. We need to focus on working on ourselves, so that our reactions to them show God's love, patience, kindness and understanding.

That doesn't mean not acknowledging how you feel, but it does mean freeing yourself from the impossible task of changing them which only God can accomplish.